The sun smiles as it slants on her eyes
And the rain wets her lovely face
As she intoxiates with her earthy aroma
The breeze spreads her fragnance
to the seven skies as she blushes
For it touches her sof skin
Making it tremble
Dampening with pleasure
The touch, the thought and her smile
She smiles as he looks from above
Their eyes make thunder, at the horizon they meet
Their happiness knows no bounds
For at least in someones eyes they meet
For in someones envy they are together
By their togetherness, their union, they attract
But you may never find them
Never know where and when
They hide with each other in tight embrace
They hide from your regretful unworthy eyes
For when you come between them
they are the earth and the sky.
nikhil
Thursday, July 16, 2009
my wishes....
Today my thoughts are weaving a different kind of web on me. I feel like floating away with them to some other planet or nearby galaxy where my thoughts will have some meaning or purpose. So you must be wondering what has happened to me today?!
Today I am in a mood to fly, to dream about the future and to forget the past. I do want to hold on to the good memories though. Also the itsy bitsy wishes I have there in my mind. Wonder what would happen if I forgot them!
To fantasize is my life. I love to dream and I love it more when my dreams come true. It feels so accomplished and so complete when something you have wished for comes true! Its not like your dreams come true all the time. So when they do they are special. I have many dreams, a few of which I would like to share with you. My most recent dream (its more of a wish actually) is to spend the last day of the year on a mountain and see the sunrise from its top. I should be lying on lush green grass, with my entire family and should spend the time looking at the rising sun through the mist and the rainbows. Wonder where such a place is?! I also want to write a book. The topic and story I am still vague about. I can write on a topic, or maybe just like that. But can never plan a story out. Hope I will do it someday.
I know I have to write a book and I know where I want to write it. I loved the house naseerudin shah has in being cyrus. Though he might be a bit cranky and somewhat a eccentric character in that movie, his house is what I really adored. It had this old feeling to it. Up in the mountains, away from everyone and so much close to nature. My dream home! This mountain should be somewhere in shimla. I visited it during one of our study tours. That is one good thing about being in an architectural college. You get to go to lot of fun trips in different parts of the country! I would have loved to go abroad but I am a bit scared of that. Right now my own country will do.
I have another wish of going all around India and photographing the sights. The temples, the forts and even the ones which have been plundered. I hope I get to do that someday! It would be fun going on my own all over India and visiting all these places. Just that it would be very costly. So this idea is on a stand by.
I have this another idea of throwing a big party after 18 years in which I would invite all the people I have ever known. Whether they be friends or foes or even accomplices, they all have an equal hand in shaping my life someway or the other! This party is going to be a costly affair if it ever happens that is. Either too many will turn up or maybe no one. If no one does good for me! I have a ball with the few who do turn up and use the money for my all India trip! One thing into another!
My wish, or more of a desire is to catch a theif who would be carrying a really big bag. In this bag I want to find all the things I have ever lost till today. That would be a thrilling thing to happen but this dream has a very low possibility. Believe me if someone goes into finding the things that I have lost he would literally have to go around the whole country! Then it would be he going on a trip and not me! That would be so bad if I haven’t been on this trip already. I really like doing things before anyone else does it. Unique things you know. Things not known or discovered. This also reminds me that another of my dream is to make something which would be used by everyone all around! It might be a very simple thing but it should be there with everybody. Like maybe scissors or a pencil. Simple but very crucial for everyone!
There are other wild thoughts like I want to bash someone up in a boxing match. I really want to get in the ring and beat the hell out of someone. I also want to drive in a bike race. I want to reach the top of mount Everest and…..the list can go on forever but its time to stop now. I can atleast enjoy recollecting all the different dreams I had today, after a few years time, when I read this again and laugh about it. Then I wont be laughing on the absurdity of the thought but how I accomplished all my dreams. Hope that happens!
Today I am in a mood to fly, to dream about the future and to forget the past. I do want to hold on to the good memories though. Also the itsy bitsy wishes I have there in my mind. Wonder what would happen if I forgot them!
To fantasize is my life. I love to dream and I love it more when my dreams come true. It feels so accomplished and so complete when something you have wished for comes true! Its not like your dreams come true all the time. So when they do they are special. I have many dreams, a few of which I would like to share with you. My most recent dream (its more of a wish actually) is to spend the last day of the year on a mountain and see the sunrise from its top. I should be lying on lush green grass, with my entire family and should spend the time looking at the rising sun through the mist and the rainbows. Wonder where such a place is?! I also want to write a book. The topic and story I am still vague about. I can write on a topic, or maybe just like that. But can never plan a story out. Hope I will do it someday.
I know I have to write a book and I know where I want to write it. I loved the house naseerudin shah has in being cyrus. Though he might be a bit cranky and somewhat a eccentric character in that movie, his house is what I really adored. It had this old feeling to it. Up in the mountains, away from everyone and so much close to nature. My dream home! This mountain should be somewhere in shimla. I visited it during one of our study tours. That is one good thing about being in an architectural college. You get to go to lot of fun trips in different parts of the country! I would have loved to go abroad but I am a bit scared of that. Right now my own country will do.
I have another wish of going all around India and photographing the sights. The temples, the forts and even the ones which have been plundered. I hope I get to do that someday! It would be fun going on my own all over India and visiting all these places. Just that it would be very costly. So this idea is on a stand by.
I have this another idea of throwing a big party after 18 years in which I would invite all the people I have ever known. Whether they be friends or foes or even accomplices, they all have an equal hand in shaping my life someway or the other! This party is going to be a costly affair if it ever happens that is. Either too many will turn up or maybe no one. If no one does good for me! I have a ball with the few who do turn up and use the money for my all India trip! One thing into another!
My wish, or more of a desire is to catch a theif who would be carrying a really big bag. In this bag I want to find all the things I have ever lost till today. That would be a thrilling thing to happen but this dream has a very low possibility. Believe me if someone goes into finding the things that I have lost he would literally have to go around the whole country! Then it would be he going on a trip and not me! That would be so bad if I haven’t been on this trip already. I really like doing things before anyone else does it. Unique things you know. Things not known or discovered. This also reminds me that another of my dream is to make something which would be used by everyone all around! It might be a very simple thing but it should be there with everybody. Like maybe scissors or a pencil. Simple but very crucial for everyone!
There are other wild thoughts like I want to bash someone up in a boxing match. I really want to get in the ring and beat the hell out of someone. I also want to drive in a bike race. I want to reach the top of mount Everest and…..the list can go on forever but its time to stop now. I can atleast enjoy recollecting all the different dreams I had today, after a few years time, when I read this again and laugh about it. Then I wont be laughing on the absurdity of the thought but how I accomplished all my dreams. Hope that happens!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
First time i maarowed night!
At the very outset i would like to clear what maarowed night means. It is a phrase construed by generations of architects, showing a rich blend of the english and hindi language, like the blend of night and day in an architect's life. Maarna in hindi means to kill and thus the phrase pin points to the very existence of an architect's life: working through the night.
It might be a new thing for many of you out there. Maybe you feel that we architects or rather to be precise students of architecture (now refered to as "stew f arch") dont do things on time and therefore sit through the night to complete the work. But the reality is in as much darkness as is needed for a perfect G.T., which i never did. Yes, isnt it a shocker? I never marowed gt! G.T. means the glass technique which is followed religiously by all the architecture as well as engineering students. It is when you religiously copy someone else's sheet to the exact detail and still have the confidence to present your work next day, swearing on its originality. Not that i was one of the sincere lot, I never maarowed gt for entirely different reasons. I thought to much of myself.
Our batch of college is one of the unique batches to have had hand drafting as well as computer drafting in our curriculum. The system bought a lot of changes in a five years time. Even our thought process changed as plans of drafting the whole thesis panels getting inspired from the likes of annie and other movies which stumble upon the interesting life of an architect; to plans of using photoshop and coreldraw, revit and max and what not! The people who used to loathe computer drafting, saying that it killed creativity finally had to bow down to the coming technology as it almost swept over our thoughts. Finally it was only the war of softwares and how good it looks, then how it really feels and functions. Who the heck bothered about such details anyway?! Well, I did!
It was important to give you the background of the general situation which you might have to corelate in many of my coming topics. Anyway now a brief spot light on my life. I was staying with my granny now. Away from family and bhusawal which was my new home after dad got posted there from secunderabad(which is where i did my 12th). My classmates i relate to as butterflies, fluttering from one piece of peculiar information to another were always interested in knowing where i belonged now. Their parents didnt move that much. They were in the same place for most of their lives. The few who did tell me proudly of how much they had seen around had happily touched the corners of maharastra and considered it as the end of india. After that was the wild country, full of demons spatting paan, giving wicked or sly smiles and being over smart. (Though i didnt eat paan, i was also considered one of them!) They were all commonly christened northerners and kept to that. Such kinds were to be ignored and kinds like me who had mysteriously landed in a dream like mumbai were to be ridiculed or laughed at for our accent(which was quite normal by the way, somehow normal meant something else to them!) In my case, i was a maharastrian, who lived all over india except maharastra and didnt know his accent of marathi right as most of them knew around. The other thing which really bit into them was the uncanny habit of me calling everyone around "bhaiya" which was a bigger insult then any curse given to anyone closely related to their mother or sisters. For most proud maharastrians, marathi is their mother and sister and the whole family. They hold on to their roots tight, many a times denying even the existence of some other culture of tradition to exist, if it threatens their own in anyway. This somewhere is a very endearing quality but i feel not so good when india is open to the 21st global city environment. My granny always says "zaat nahi zaat" which means that "no matter how much you change the caste never leaves its impact on you" I had protested against this a long time back but then soon learnt the truth in it. Anyway that is the discussion on some other day story. we have already sub lined our topic! Man our mind flows like the wind!
So coming back to the first time i did maarow night. We were given assignments which had to be completed in a certain period of time. A design problem would go on for months with one studio every week in which the teacher scrutinized our design or rather the work of ours or days together in a few minutes time. If you were later on the role call you seldom got a chance to explain your design as the teacher would be either to pissed off with everyone else work or after seeing so many designs of your friends being had, you would lose the very will to show or tell anything in your design. The month long ordeal would end with a pre final and a final submission. The prefinal would have the teachers grimacing over our designs, seldom changing them completely so that the person would feel completely lost and depressed and scared of how one would complete their design. In my case i took it as a chalange. The strange part was that the teachers never commented on your predesign. When you showed your progress every week in planning, structuring and progressing they would just nod and let it pass. You might even get an 8 sometimes so that you could puff up and throw your weight around for sometime. It was the prefinal when the lightening struck.
So this was the situation, I had a whole design to complete, and only one night to do so. the whole week after the prefinal had gone into making the changes in the design and as in most of the times, redesigning the whole thing. It all came down to a few hours of struggle. Every minute would make a difference tonight.
I had planned out that i would make 4 sheets full of everything i could put into. Our teachers were smart enough not to accept crap and would make a very big deal if we put anything that would show the level to which our thought process might fall. Everyone tried their best to impress the teachers with good words. The problem was as most of them were struggling with english, i was struggling with marathi!
It was 6 when i started working. I planned that i would keep everything ready by 10 and have a good nights sleep after that. So much for planning! The thing about planning is that sometimes you plan things out and they go vaguely according to it. Then when you later look back you realize that it would never work out anyway! It was impossible! But for me that word didnt exist then. I thought everything was possible. I am the same now and still believe in that, the only difference being that i make plans which are possible now.
I needed music desperately to stay awake. I am a very sleepy fellow that way. At the least sign of work or efforts i would rather go to bed and sleep and let god look into it. In architecture i realized that
himmate mard, toh madat de khuda!
music was my soul. It was set according to my mood. That night it was the radio that was to set the mood. The FM had newly started then and was quite a hep thing. Everyone who was anyone listened to it and specially for people like me it was a dream come true! Usually their used to be English songs at night. I owe the radio for making me listen to many of my favorites which i cherish till today. Their was a competition that night for all the love birds around. You had to give a message to someone you loved through radio, the only thing was that it should be someone you havent told that you love them already! Do those people never think of the consequences? What if that person was seeing someone? What if they said no on your face? What if they hated you? though the first and second possibilty would happen seldom the third one is the one which is most interested and am waiting till day to hear! Perhaps people get very sweet on the radio and never tell what they actually feel!
Picture this, Mr X loves Ms. Y very much from the past 3 years. He hasnt made the guts to go and talk to her and tell her about his feelings. They work in the same firm, and seldom speak to each other. But Mr. X has been looking out for a chance to say the 3 magic words which he cant say on her face or he might get the four letter word so well versed with the present generation. Then one desperate night Mr. X hears this rj on radio and plans, why not propose on radio? Wont that be romantic? So he goes to his wits end and proposes to her by calling her in the middle of the night when she is probably sound asleep in her sweethearts arms. Night 1 o'clock is just not the right time to propose to a girl you dont know anything about. Its not the right time, not the right place and definitely not the right girl! Imagine a gal saying yes to a guy after been woken up at the middle of the night? Its the most horrible scene one can ever imagine. Its like you are on your bed fast asleep, in your sweethearts embrace and suddenly someone put on the lights and you find yourself on stage in front of thousand audience thick crowd! how would that feel?!
Still to my wonder some girls said yes!
You probably noticed that it was 1 by now! which left me with only 5 hours more. The time had just flown by. Lost in the silly things people do in mumbai and the different variety of songs i had forgotton that i was supposed to be deep asleep by now! All the remarks of my parents came back to me. Early to bed and early to rise, started jabbing me and calling me to bed. Suddenly bed seemed like a beautiful piece of feather on which this little tom thumb had to sleep. I gazed dreamily at it for a while as it hypnotized me.
Then suddenly the thoughts of everybody else came back! How much had everyone else finished? Were they fast asleep already? Next one hour passed in calling up friends, and fueling the cooker with more pressure. After one hour of "Itna ho gaya?" the cooker was completely fueled and ready to burst on the paper. The drafting board was shifted to the living room, [M] tv was put on and work began to speed up again. finally it got over by 0530 as i lay back on my chair satisfied with the layout of the sheet and other minute details which had taken the final hour.
Their is a time when you are maarowfying night when your body starts aching and your mind is too heavy. Yours hands tremble and your body just wants to hit the bed and get rest. this is the time you need to work really hard. This is the test of your will, of your drive which is going to pull you through the night. Finally when you gape at the ceiling for a few minutes after a tiresome night having the last fading thought: "is this worth it?" You ponder on it for a few seconds, take a deep breath and get up. Take a cold water bath on your aching body and roll up your sheet and you sleeve saying
"hell yes!"
It might be a new thing for many of you out there. Maybe you feel that we architects or rather to be precise students of architecture (now refered to as "stew f arch") dont do things on time and therefore sit through the night to complete the work. But the reality is in as much darkness as is needed for a perfect G.T., which i never did. Yes, isnt it a shocker? I never marowed gt! G.T. means the glass technique which is followed religiously by all the architecture as well as engineering students. It is when you religiously copy someone else's sheet to the exact detail and still have the confidence to present your work next day, swearing on its originality. Not that i was one of the sincere lot, I never maarowed gt for entirely different reasons. I thought to much of myself.
Our batch of college is one of the unique batches to have had hand drafting as well as computer drafting in our curriculum. The system bought a lot of changes in a five years time. Even our thought process changed as plans of drafting the whole thesis panels getting inspired from the likes of annie and other movies which stumble upon the interesting life of an architect; to plans of using photoshop and coreldraw, revit and max and what not! The people who used to loathe computer drafting, saying that it killed creativity finally had to bow down to the coming technology as it almost swept over our thoughts. Finally it was only the war of softwares and how good it looks, then how it really feels and functions. Who the heck bothered about such details anyway?! Well, I did!
It was important to give you the background of the general situation which you might have to corelate in many of my coming topics. Anyway now a brief spot light on my life. I was staying with my granny now. Away from family and bhusawal which was my new home after dad got posted there from secunderabad(which is where i did my 12th). My classmates i relate to as butterflies, fluttering from one piece of peculiar information to another were always interested in knowing where i belonged now. Their parents didnt move that much. They were in the same place for most of their lives. The few who did tell me proudly of how much they had seen around had happily touched the corners of maharastra and considered it as the end of india. After that was the wild country, full of demons spatting paan, giving wicked or sly smiles and being over smart. (Though i didnt eat paan, i was also considered one of them!) They were all commonly christened northerners and kept to that. Such kinds were to be ignored and kinds like me who had mysteriously landed in a dream like mumbai were to be ridiculed or laughed at for our accent(which was quite normal by the way, somehow normal meant something else to them!) In my case, i was a maharastrian, who lived all over india except maharastra and didnt know his accent of marathi right as most of them knew around. The other thing which really bit into them was the uncanny habit of me calling everyone around "bhaiya" which was a bigger insult then any curse given to anyone closely related to their mother or sisters. For most proud maharastrians, marathi is their mother and sister and the whole family. They hold on to their roots tight, many a times denying even the existence of some other culture of tradition to exist, if it threatens their own in anyway. This somewhere is a very endearing quality but i feel not so good when india is open to the 21st global city environment. My granny always says "zaat nahi zaat" which means that "no matter how much you change the caste never leaves its impact on you" I had protested against this a long time back but then soon learnt the truth in it. Anyway that is the discussion on some other day story. we have already sub lined our topic! Man our mind flows like the wind!
So coming back to the first time i did maarow night. We were given assignments which had to be completed in a certain period of time. A design problem would go on for months with one studio every week in which the teacher scrutinized our design or rather the work of ours or days together in a few minutes time. If you were later on the role call you seldom got a chance to explain your design as the teacher would be either to pissed off with everyone else work or after seeing so many designs of your friends being had, you would lose the very will to show or tell anything in your design. The month long ordeal would end with a pre final and a final submission. The prefinal would have the teachers grimacing over our designs, seldom changing them completely so that the person would feel completely lost and depressed and scared of how one would complete their design. In my case i took it as a chalange. The strange part was that the teachers never commented on your predesign. When you showed your progress every week in planning, structuring and progressing they would just nod and let it pass. You might even get an 8 sometimes so that you could puff up and throw your weight around for sometime. It was the prefinal when the lightening struck.
So this was the situation, I had a whole design to complete, and only one night to do so. the whole week after the prefinal had gone into making the changes in the design and as in most of the times, redesigning the whole thing. It all came down to a few hours of struggle. Every minute would make a difference tonight.
I had planned out that i would make 4 sheets full of everything i could put into. Our teachers were smart enough not to accept crap and would make a very big deal if we put anything that would show the level to which our thought process might fall. Everyone tried their best to impress the teachers with good words. The problem was as most of them were struggling with english, i was struggling with marathi!
It was 6 when i started working. I planned that i would keep everything ready by 10 and have a good nights sleep after that. So much for planning! The thing about planning is that sometimes you plan things out and they go vaguely according to it. Then when you later look back you realize that it would never work out anyway! It was impossible! But for me that word didnt exist then. I thought everything was possible. I am the same now and still believe in that, the only difference being that i make plans which are possible now.
I needed music desperately to stay awake. I am a very sleepy fellow that way. At the least sign of work or efforts i would rather go to bed and sleep and let god look into it. In architecture i realized that
himmate mard, toh madat de khuda!
music was my soul. It was set according to my mood. That night it was the radio that was to set the mood. The FM had newly started then and was quite a hep thing. Everyone who was anyone listened to it and specially for people like me it was a dream come true! Usually their used to be English songs at night. I owe the radio for making me listen to many of my favorites which i cherish till today. Their was a competition that night for all the love birds around. You had to give a message to someone you loved through radio, the only thing was that it should be someone you havent told that you love them already! Do those people never think of the consequences? What if that person was seeing someone? What if they said no on your face? What if they hated you? though the first and second possibilty would happen seldom the third one is the one which is most interested and am waiting till day to hear! Perhaps people get very sweet on the radio and never tell what they actually feel!
Picture this, Mr X loves Ms. Y very much from the past 3 years. He hasnt made the guts to go and talk to her and tell her about his feelings. They work in the same firm, and seldom speak to each other. But Mr. X has been looking out for a chance to say the 3 magic words which he cant say on her face or he might get the four letter word so well versed with the present generation. Then one desperate night Mr. X hears this rj on radio and plans, why not propose on radio? Wont that be romantic? So he goes to his wits end and proposes to her by calling her in the middle of the night when she is probably sound asleep in her sweethearts arms. Night 1 o'clock is just not the right time to propose to a girl you dont know anything about. Its not the right time, not the right place and definitely not the right girl! Imagine a gal saying yes to a guy after been woken up at the middle of the night? Its the most horrible scene one can ever imagine. Its like you are on your bed fast asleep, in your sweethearts embrace and suddenly someone put on the lights and you find yourself on stage in front of thousand audience thick crowd! how would that feel?!
Still to my wonder some girls said yes!
You probably noticed that it was 1 by now! which left me with only 5 hours more. The time had just flown by. Lost in the silly things people do in mumbai and the different variety of songs i had forgotton that i was supposed to be deep asleep by now! All the remarks of my parents came back to me. Early to bed and early to rise, started jabbing me and calling me to bed. Suddenly bed seemed like a beautiful piece of feather on which this little tom thumb had to sleep. I gazed dreamily at it for a while as it hypnotized me.
Then suddenly the thoughts of everybody else came back! How much had everyone else finished? Were they fast asleep already? Next one hour passed in calling up friends, and fueling the cooker with more pressure. After one hour of "Itna ho gaya?" the cooker was completely fueled and ready to burst on the paper. The drafting board was shifted to the living room, [M] tv was put on and work began to speed up again. finally it got over by 0530 as i lay back on my chair satisfied with the layout of the sheet and other minute details which had taken the final hour.
Their is a time when you are maarowfying night when your body starts aching and your mind is too heavy. Yours hands tremble and your body just wants to hit the bed and get rest. this is the time you need to work really hard. This is the test of your will, of your drive which is going to pull you through the night. Finally when you gape at the ceiling for a few minutes after a tiresome night having the last fading thought: "is this worth it?" You ponder on it for a few seconds, take a deep breath and get up. Take a cold water bath on your aching body and roll up your sheet and you sleeve saying
"hell yes!"
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
how i chose architecture
Achitecture...a course that changed my whole perspective of looking at things. 5 years ago as i dragged myself towards my tutions far away in hyderabad i wondered where my life would go after 12th. Everyone around was going for iits and bits (Indian Institute of Technology and Birla Institute of Technology and Sciences) and all i could think of was....nothing! 12th does make you a mumbling troll who doesnt know where the world is going or where he is going except in the case of Thermodynamics or maybe how A C generators work. By the time one can differentiate and intergrate their thoughts, they have their mothers hanging on to their necks saying big things like "what are you going to do with your life?!"
So on such a perfect sunday, i walked towards my tutions thinking about some crap which would make me forget about the hyderabad heat. Lo Behold! There it stood! A one in a million wonder! The house of every dreams envy. Having the name "Arch. Ramesh Rao" etched on it. Finally i had a plan! I wanted to be an ARCHITECT!
Now that the tough part seemed over everything else seemed easy! All i needed to do was to design buildings. I wondered then what was the difference between an architect and an engineer. My parents seemed to be more enthusiastic. They visited a few colleges of architecture around asking people how the curriculum was, how long was the course and how tough was it. I could see from the first time they came back from the ordeal that they werent impressed! I smiled as my mom and dad sat telling me about the characters they had met in the college. Some guy with a pony tail and the other wearing shorts and a sleeveless tee which later turned out to be a girl. They werent very enthusiastic about me joining up after that, not atleast in that particular college. This was the time i realised that i should look into things. I trusted my parents "skills of persuasion" and knew immediately that they would carve into me that i should go into some other course. Here began my struggle to find out what architecture really was.
A little breif about me first, i am an army officers kid having a sister and one set of parents who have been happily married for as long as i remember. My father is a scorpion and mother a cancerian and they have left no stones unturned in nipping me and my sister, now and then about the truths and rights in life. I love them for their keen sense of understanding and for their trust in me to make me learn from my own decisions. My sister a tauras all throughout is the only one who can closely relate to me, was in 8th then, which was a itsy bitsy age for all the turmoil coming up. She could least understand what was going on in her brothers life. What was so much in 12th? Why was it such a big thing? She follows the strict principle : you study, you get marks; if u dont, u get sharks! I truly beleived in that principle too but somehow never got around to following it! To me studies was a insipid thing you do when you are bored with all the other stuff! It wasnt as if i was going out to play some sport or busy drooling over girls like the other guys around me for i had already done that in my former years. It was just that i was more interested in things like drawing and reading and listening to music. Music seemed to fill me wid wonder. It filled my mundane head with fantastic thoughts and seldom encouraged me to sit through nights of maths and problem solving. According to my dad music was the only distraction i had, for everytime he would come out to drink a glass of water he would find his son gawking over some female in a song when he was supposed to be completely engrossed into maths. Maths has always been my worst cousin who i had to relent with for a very long time. One thing was always clear in my mind that i couldnt take anymore of maths so engineering was slowly getting out of question.
Drawing interested me. It made me realise the value of lines and curves. It evoked different feelings in me. It gave me a deep sense in volume and spaces. I wasnt much into drawing buildings then and never thought that i would be. I used to do portraits and objects. Never could i have imagined then that drawing buildings would be the only thing i would be doing in 5 years time. I still have a whole collection of portraits, cut out from magzines and newspapers which i have to draw. I hope that someday i would get the time to draw them. For five years i have been collecting so the collection is huge but the only problem is that it would never relate to the people around. Their is a very thin line which divides an artist and a pervert, same as it does in a mad person and a very intelligent person. Both are two ends of the same puzzle, but both are important to complete it.
I read a lot too! Though i really craved to read some good novels, but then novels were a strict taboo. No novel reading until the vacations after 12th so i resorted to reading other comics like conan the barbarian. I must say that conan the barbarian has an excellent caricature artist, who doesnt only make the character alive in the book but in your heart too! I cannot live without fantasizing and conan gave me the right outsource for that. The fantasy of having a rightful barbouous character who follows his will and wishes and does what he wants. The whole good part about conan the barbarian is that he always wins, which makes you think that maybe someday you will too! Isnt it every human's fantasy to live conan's life?!
Finally, a few things were clear...i was going to do architecture because it involved lot of drawing, With just that thought in my mind i searched in my school lab the best college of architecture in india....Sir J J College of Architecture came up. It seemed they held their own exam as well as the cet (common entrance test) which everyone had to give. I got a new fantasy to dream about....what if i did end up in this college? Wont be wonderful to be in the best college atleast once in life?! Wont it be wonderful to have the best for yourself? I smiled to myself as i dreamt over my maths books!
So on such a perfect sunday, i walked towards my tutions thinking about some crap which would make me forget about the hyderabad heat. Lo Behold! There it stood! A one in a million wonder! The house of every dreams envy. Having the name "Arch. Ramesh Rao" etched on it. Finally i had a plan! I wanted to be an ARCHITECT!
Now that the tough part seemed over everything else seemed easy! All i needed to do was to design buildings. I wondered then what was the difference between an architect and an engineer. My parents seemed to be more enthusiastic. They visited a few colleges of architecture around asking people how the curriculum was, how long was the course and how tough was it. I could see from the first time they came back from the ordeal that they werent impressed! I smiled as my mom and dad sat telling me about the characters they had met in the college. Some guy with a pony tail and the other wearing shorts and a sleeveless tee which later turned out to be a girl. They werent very enthusiastic about me joining up after that, not atleast in that particular college. This was the time i realised that i should look into things. I trusted my parents "skills of persuasion" and knew immediately that they would carve into me that i should go into some other course. Here began my struggle to find out what architecture really was.
A little breif about me first, i am an army officers kid having a sister and one set of parents who have been happily married for as long as i remember. My father is a scorpion and mother a cancerian and they have left no stones unturned in nipping me and my sister, now and then about the truths and rights in life. I love them for their keen sense of understanding and for their trust in me to make me learn from my own decisions. My sister a tauras all throughout is the only one who can closely relate to me, was in 8th then, which was a itsy bitsy age for all the turmoil coming up. She could least understand what was going on in her brothers life. What was so much in 12th? Why was it such a big thing? She follows the strict principle : you study, you get marks; if u dont, u get sharks! I truly beleived in that principle too but somehow never got around to following it! To me studies was a insipid thing you do when you are bored with all the other stuff! It wasnt as if i was going out to play some sport or busy drooling over girls like the other guys around me for i had already done that in my former years. It was just that i was more interested in things like drawing and reading and listening to music. Music seemed to fill me wid wonder. It filled my mundane head with fantastic thoughts and seldom encouraged me to sit through nights of maths and problem solving. According to my dad music was the only distraction i had, for everytime he would come out to drink a glass of water he would find his son gawking over some female in a song when he was supposed to be completely engrossed into maths. Maths has always been my worst cousin who i had to relent with for a very long time. One thing was always clear in my mind that i couldnt take anymore of maths so engineering was slowly getting out of question.
Drawing interested me. It made me realise the value of lines and curves. It evoked different feelings in me. It gave me a deep sense in volume and spaces. I wasnt much into drawing buildings then and never thought that i would be. I used to do portraits and objects. Never could i have imagined then that drawing buildings would be the only thing i would be doing in 5 years time. I still have a whole collection of portraits, cut out from magzines and newspapers which i have to draw. I hope that someday i would get the time to draw them. For five years i have been collecting so the collection is huge but the only problem is that it would never relate to the people around. Their is a very thin line which divides an artist and a pervert, same as it does in a mad person and a very intelligent person. Both are two ends of the same puzzle, but both are important to complete it.
I read a lot too! Though i really craved to read some good novels, but then novels were a strict taboo. No novel reading until the vacations after 12th so i resorted to reading other comics like conan the barbarian. I must say that conan the barbarian has an excellent caricature artist, who doesnt only make the character alive in the book but in your heart too! I cannot live without fantasizing and conan gave me the right outsource for that. The fantasy of having a rightful barbouous character who follows his will and wishes and does what he wants. The whole good part about conan the barbarian is that he always wins, which makes you think that maybe someday you will too! Isnt it every human's fantasy to live conan's life?!
Finally, a few things were clear...i was going to do architecture because it involved lot of drawing, With just that thought in my mind i searched in my school lab the best college of architecture in india....Sir J J College of Architecture came up. It seemed they held their own exam as well as the cet (common entrance test) which everyone had to give. I got a new fantasy to dream about....what if i did end up in this college? Wont be wonderful to be in the best college atleast once in life?! Wont it be wonderful to have the best for yourself? I smiled to myself as i dreamt over my maths books!
Monday, July 13, 2009
the first blog
The date is 13/07/2009. The first day that i start writing. The reason to write? No need to answer that question...The aim to write is clear. The aim is to write my heart out. Their should be something to look back to. something to say what i was thinking. something to develop my thought. Also a intense desire to be noticed. To be looked into. To be thought about or to be listened to. Not desperately but subtly.
how strange are we? we look at others expecting to be noticed....least thinking that someone in some corner must be looking at us too. some eyes might be upon us, craving for our attention. isnt this feeling good? i dont need to know who that person is but then i know that someone cares. that i exist for someone. that i am not a lost soul in a crowd. Too heavy to digest? come to mumbai and you would know! this is the city which has taught me everything but made me struggle for my identity. this city makes you crave, lust and conspire. it makes you think, react and still be calm. it gives you a experience on every step and a feel of nostalgia every time u pass a passed nook and corner.
I am in a strange mood today. feeling focused but blown away. Knowing not to do but still doing something. Wonder where this will lead? Wonder what tomorrow would bring? But then thats for tomorrow to decide and for today to wonder!
how strange are we? we look at others expecting to be noticed....least thinking that someone in some corner must be looking at us too. some eyes might be upon us, craving for our attention. isnt this feeling good? i dont need to know who that person is but then i know that someone cares. that i exist for someone. that i am not a lost soul in a crowd. Too heavy to digest? come to mumbai and you would know! this is the city which has taught me everything but made me struggle for my identity. this city makes you crave, lust and conspire. it makes you think, react and still be calm. it gives you a experience on every step and a feel of nostalgia every time u pass a passed nook and corner.
I am in a strange mood today. feeling focused but blown away. Knowing not to do but still doing something. Wonder where this will lead? Wonder what tomorrow would bring? But then thats for tomorrow to decide and for today to wonder!
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